Profile

Lord Ralph Mayhew is an impoverished aristocrat in his early 30s who lives in his family mansion on an expansive country estate. He has never married or had children - because he is secretly in love with his Irish estate worker and gardener Ted. He is painfully shy and reserved (occasionally hinted to have been mentally ill in the past), which is the basis of most of the humour in the sketches. Other characters, when seen, seem aware of Ralph's sexuality and uncomfortable in his presence, particularly Ted's fellow working class friends.

His carpet-gnawingly embarrassing attempts to strike up a more intimate relationship are amongst the most touching moments The Fast Show ever produced.

Most of Ralph's approaches are brushed aside with the words, 'I wouldn't know about that, sir,' or some muttering about the drainage on the lower field.

Ted had worked for Lord Mayhew's late mother and father before Ralph inherited the estate. Ralph's parents were cold and uncaring, so it can be assumed that his affection for Ted was due to his idolising him as a father figure. Ted seems to want to protect Ralph's innocence and cares for him a great and it is obvious, though he hides it well, that Ted has a great deal of affection for Ralph. Ted is wiser than he seems and occasionally profound: Ralph sees through Ted's social status and takes his opinion very seriously. He never joins in making fun of him with his mates and on one occasion defends him when a friend makes a joke that refers to Ralph's feelings for him.

Mun and muse are both over the age of 21